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Jen, this is absolutely ridiculous.
I am not apologizing because I never did anything wrong.

I wanted to talk to you, but you were the one avoiding me.

I only e-mailed Heather because she e-mailed me.

I['m feeling like something, and I dont know what.


I'm trying to remember and forget the past all at once.

I'm so hurt by people constantly that I have to push them away...begin to push them away before they get the chance to leave- which they always do.

I can't breath right somedays, recently.  Sometimes I can't eat.  Often I cant sleep.
I don't know what it wrong with my family.

My father called me and asked me if I'm on drugs.

I feel like I am 15 again....and they blame all their problems on me, make me out to be the "crazy, bad" one.
I have never been happier in my life-fuck that, i have never been happy in my life until now, things are finally going well for me-lots of things,
and some how  they manage to drag me down again.

It's everytime.

Everytime I am trying so hard to be good, all they do is this.

Being five states away is not enough.

i don't even want to post this on private...i've had enough, and I'm sick of hiding.

I think I'm going to get to perform Fire Dance at Columbia University!!!!!

With tons of students and cameras present....!

::Cannot contain excitement::

My first rehearsal is tomorrow night...once it's solidified, I'll post the info here in case anyone is in the area and wants to come...it's for the Asian Associations Lunar New Year's Celebration.
So Awesome.
People are always frustrating me...disappointing me.

No se...
I wish I did.

i should really be in bed now, but my insomnia feels like it's at it's worst ever since school ended...blah


2009 I want to kiss you on the cheek.
This is such Amazing news to me.....it's not paid, since I don't have my degree yet, but they really like me there, and it will be great experience and I know it will open a lot of doors for me....plus, when we spoke weeks ago, they want me to do a dance group with the kids there, which will be great Dance experience:).
They'll probably want to learn Hip-Hop...(but I can teach them lots of forms of Dance-especially Belly Dance since I just took an AWESOME class at Broadway Dance Center, and I'm going to keep taking it every Monday night:)).

I just had to post, I cannot contain my excitement....I might post later explaining why this makes me so Happy, but for now, it's personal Joy:).


I kinda went exploring the other day....for the first time in months.

Check facebook tomorrow for pics.

It was an old, abandoned train we've visited tons of times in PA, but I finally got some really nice pics this time.

That's about it for now I suppose.

It's 3:30 am, I still cannot sleep, and I may have to drive my gram to physical therapy in the morning, then go to work...oh well, such is life.

I found some really great stuff at a flea market/antiquey place in the city today.
Got an old skeleton key-I put it on a necklace.
Got a nice scarf for only $3-I talked him down from $5, which was probably still cheap, so cool.
I ALMOST got a zoom lens for my camera.
But the atm wasn't making withdrawals.
I kinda think it's for the best because I can rent any number of REALLY AMAZING lenses from school for free once the photo Lab technician opens up shop again....so, I'll be patient, and do shoots that require no zoom for now.

I also found out my friend has a crazy ass skeleton key from England....I'm not sure how he got it, but this information, and the antiquing today, has inspired me to start exploring again, even if it's on my own.
I've been nervous to go here cause of cops and stuff.
And I don't have a group or a partner in crime to go with here.
Well...maybe I do, I have to ask. 
This gypsy witch cannot sleep.....insomnia again.

HAPPY 2009.  
I was definitely ready for this New Year...

mostly, I am going to DANCE this year.  There are things I want to do, but that is the biggest thing.....to finally go somewhere with it, and not give up like I always do, even if someone discourages me.

It is so good...right before the New Year, I got into contact with an x whom I never had closure with...and now it seems I will not only get closure but get a friend back.
And I think I am falling in Love with someone else...which I think is good, but I'm still not totally sure yet.
Unfortunately, this is one of those situations that requires patience.
If we can both open up to each other, it will be a very good thing.

Also, this insomnia sometimes gets the best of me...I know it happens when I have a lot on my mind, but I think it may be due to ADD...this has been a constant thought in my mind for about 3 years...and I almost went to a doctor for ADD, but I feel like they will just try to put me on meds, which I don't want...so I don't know what to do.

I still do well in school, but I would do a lot better if I could concentrate more...and my friends would probably be less annoyed with me cause I wouldn't be so forgetful or needy.

Ah, well, we'll see....
I am beginning to feel....that winter's apathetic discontent....

I was so Happy today...and yesterday.
And mostly for awhile actually.

The snow today didn't even bother me.

But I guess it's because tomorrow is my last exam, and then I am going to be working and hanging out at the house...by myself.
No one ever visits me here....I'm going to be really lonely. 

Just vickies, yuck.
Betty Paige just died:*(.