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Sigh, my foot hurts, a lot.
Sprained it after Dance.  I Hope it will recover soon.  It's kinda keeping me up when I should be Sleeep Sleeping.

other things are very Good.
I Need another job, but that has to wait now until the foot Heals.  Circus and Dance are going really well.  I still went to my Super-Amazing Circus class Today.  I could almost do something I was terrible at before.  I get better every class, so inspiring.
I'm going back to the advanced Dance class as soon as the foot's better.
AND Hopefully beginning to learn my chorepgraphy for my solo in June.  So, HEAL, FOOT!  I really want to do my Solo.

Love, me.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Tell you I'm pissed, that you don't Listen.  To what I want.  Only see what You want for me.
Anger repeats you.
 
 
 
 
 
 
SOooo...I am planning to move to Miami in September. If anyone has any advice about the city, a great way or place to find an apartment (I'm using Roomster and a little craigslist so far, and I am searching for a realtor, but feeling a little overwhelmed with that), or jobs, please let me know!

Thank You Much.
 
 
 
 
 
 
HMmmm, Super New Year's.
I finally went to see the Ball drop IN TIMES SQUARE..Yup. I was by myself, which sucked, but I'm really proud of myself for finally doing it. One big goal completed.

SO, now I'm a bit stuck. I'm totally looking for a new job, in the field I really want to be in-social services. I want to work with "at-risk" adolescents. I really want to be some kinda of Therapist (exactly what kind, I'm not positive yet-Dance, Art, Talk...substance abuse...), but I really do NOT want to go to graduate school...at least right now. I'm Hoping it's not inevitable, but it's kinda seeming like it maybe is.

Right now, at this moment..I am taking a free online course on HIV case management...and looking into teaching English abroad. I'd really Love to go to Mexico. It seems like it doesn't pay that well. But I'm Thinking about it.

So, okay, please send me accomplishment vibes...and positive energy to find an Amazing, new job.

Much Love, Hope, Peace to the universe-and you.

<3
 
 
 
 
 
 
What is something that just doesn't make sense to you?


The Mother's in Brooklyn who scream at their children on the bus...or in the street. Sometimes they hit them, too...and you know, it was always for crying or playing or something...and I mean, they scream and curse at their poor, young kids.
It kinda pisses me off.
 
 
 
 
 
 
I am very nervous. I had to go to the ER the other day after an accident in the Clay Studio.
Minor puncture wound, minor head injury.

I have to go for my follow-up appointment at my clinic tomorrow afternoon. The incident was Wednesday Night, and I've had a headache since Thursday morning....it hasn't gone away at all, even when I take Tylenol.

I'm not sure if I lost a lot of Blood, and that is causing this, or if it's something more serious, which is what I'm worried about.

I was unconscious, and when I was waking up I began shaking, which has never happened to me before.
I hate doctors, I hate hospitals, and I'm being forced to face all these Fears...actually, I've been forced to face my greatest Fears in life all in the past month. My Favorite Cat died...I watched her Die, and had to be the one to make the decision to finally take her to the Vet to be put to sleep.....when she started vomiting up her stomach at 5am, I wanted to take her, but my parents (who she lives with) didn't want to wake up and go....and the next morning they had to work. So She had to wait, Suffering like no Living Being should ever have to suffer. And my Dog died the same week as her.

And Thursday I had to spend the day in the ER, alone. Send me some good Energy please, I need it.

Insanity.
 
 
 
 
 
 
A lot on my mind lately, and also not a lot. School has finally been done for the term which is SO GOOD. I had the hardest semester ever, with getting really sick, and taking on wayy too much from the beginning.

I had an AMAZING camping trip this past weekend.
Where I saw someone I have a rather large crush on.
I'm really not sure what to do with this. It's been a long time since I've liked someone a lot. I know the like is reciprocated, but I'm not sure to what extent, and we haven't really talked about it. I don't really like to pursue someone, but I think I may have been a little mean after we first met, so maybe it's my turn to bring things up. It seems simple, starting the conversation in my mind, but when I'm around him I know it will not be simple, and I'll most likely punk out. Send me Courage!

My sister has to have surgery this month. It's a bummer, but I'm really glad I threw a fit and yelled at everyone until they finally listened to me and went and got a second opinion. The first dr was talking about taking out an organ, and the new surgeon says the likelihood of that is like getting struck by lightening, plus gives her much less recovery time. So I'm gonna go home to be there for her. Unfortunately this is happening the DAY BEFORE my BIRTHDAY. I wanted to be here, in NYC for my B-Day this year, but on a good note, if you're in the NH/Maine area, let's hang out for it! Much Love, xoxo
 
 
 
 
 
 
I keep having the feeling that I want to go home, but I don't know where that is.
My emotions are up and down a lot, but mostly they're numb. I'm confused and unsure of a lot. School is kinda the only stable thing I have going right now, and while I need a break, I kinda don't want four weeks off. I kinda want to stay to my routine, even if it's busy. :(. Also, I really don't want to visit maine/nh....I'm being pressured to, and given shit for not going in november, but for some reason I just really don't want to go...maybe it's because it's so cold out and I said awhile ago I wasn't going to go visit once it got cold out...that's why I went pretty much every month over the Summer. Familial guilt trip's shitty.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Yesterday was the "anniversary" of my grandfather's death...my grandmother was upset, which is understandable...but I handle these things differently than most people, which makes me seem insensitive, but really, their soul is gone, they are not in pain anymore, and this mourning shit is just for us,....I find it pointless to mope on "death anniversaries" and celebrate the deceased birthday....they're dead.

I know that he was my grandmothers companion for over 50 years, and even though he was my grandfather who I Loved, I have no idea how she feels...so I am trying to be there for her...

They're having a mass in his memory on Sunday, and I am trying to think of any reason to get out of it, and I can't come up with a good enough reason.
I really don't want to sit through this.

I hate the morbid American dealings with death...which is ironic because she's Spanish.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 I am having these issues again.

Well, first, I found out one of my very good friends nearly died.  Wanted to die.  he's still in the hospital, and will be for a long time.

This is a shattering event.
This is an eye-opening event.

It shows who will be there for you in the shittiest of circumstances, even if they don't know what to say, but still offer their friendship. 
And it shows who you cannot stand to loose.

After this terrible event I am re-grounded, and caring about the things I should be caring about again.
But now I am having trouble with school again.
Tonight was my first class since I found out.
I love this class-it's abnormal psych.
I went late.
I didn't care-I sat waiting for an emptier elevator, even though it made me 15 minutes late.  I left on time to make it early to class.
After our 10 minute break, i didn't go back to class.

I went to pick up my bag and coat that I had left in the room, and the teacher had taken them to her office with her.  This was very kind-I did not expect it.  I didn't really care if my shit was stolen-I brought my wallet with me.  She was angry.  i apologized and told her I had personal stuff going on right now.  She asked if I was okay, and I said yeah, one of my friends is in the hospital.  She said she's sorry-I walked away as fast as I could.

I have always had problems with school.  Sitting through class and sticking with it.  This is the longest I've lasted at a college.  And I want to finish and get my degree so badly, but at the end of last term this was happening, and now it is happening again, but it's not even the middle of the term yet.
My Art classes are fine.

I'm motivated when it comes to Watson.  I'm motivated when it comes to running Spectrum, my literary arts mag.  I'm motivated when it comes to most things, just not school....i didn't so ANY homework ALL weekend...and the excuse that my sister was visiting is not an excuse because there were plenty of chances late at night I could have done it, but I didn't.

I'm not sure if I can blame it on this, but it seems it's been specially hard since Costa Rica...I keep thinking of it, and of traveling, and how much I DON"T want to be sitting on my ass here in classes.

I am SO LUCKY to be here, and to be having all these scholarships, and everything I have here, but I don't know why I just can't see that and can't give my all to it.
I Love learning, but
school has never been for me.

I am trying so hard.